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Restaurants & Relationships:
RR: How did you meet, and how did your marriage happen, and what were you thinking
about?
Loren: We met at Johnson and Wales in Providence, at a bus stop through a mutual friend. It was magical then because when you are a kid, 20 and 18, everything is possible. As far as what we were thinking about at the time, well, it was probably what most young lovers think about. It was clear to us early on that there was a deeper connection than just the sexual excitement. We had so much in common that it was almost unbelieveable. This included, of course, almost ubiquitously these days, love of food and cooking from the get go.
Eric: We had known and been in love with each other for about three years before becoming engaged, then another four years before we tied the actual knot, and another five before Empire opened. I think taking forever to make decisions personally, as in what the actual goal was, the big plan, coupled with the fact we were both working at Al Forno and living humbly, gave us the fertile soil that resulted in the formation of Empire. We had the time to cook at home, teach ourselves about what our food was like or might be like someday and cook, entertain friends, and just live.
RR: The presumption of our series regarding restaurant relationships is that this industry is notoriously tough on institutions such as marriage. Is this a legitimate concern, or are we inventing problems where they really don't need to be?
Loren: No, your presumption is extremely accurate. There ought to be a course that you must pass with flying colors to do this, something like sanitation management certification, only testing couples on working together as a prerequisite. Much of the trouble is that a couple may not have the skills to communicate or make the proper pacts with each other in order to keep the relationship, let alone the marriage intact. The most important advice I can give is to keep every promise to your partner because you are going to be tested everyday in the restaurant business. This is important and learned from hard experience: Don't fight unless the business is affected, because the little things aren't worth it. A good friend said it's all about compromise and remembering the goal, the reason you started together in the first place. In many ways, every day is day one.
RR: One of our readers wrote that if you are a cop, then marry a cop. Does this thinking hold true for the restaurant business? If one of you happened to be an accountant or schoolteacher, could this marriage work?
Eric: Empire would not exist if Loren and I were not in love and conceived it together. We consider the restaurant our baby. When we opened, as very much like what I understand new parenthood to be like, it was and very much still is a creative outlet. Our food is more exciting than ever, driven by personal passions about food and travel experiences. Let's just say that I don't really know what might happen if Loren were to tell me she was going to be an accountant. I would support her and she would support me, but sharing and loving what you're doing together is so much fun!
RR: You guys are young, and really just married. Did it occur to each of you, or even one of you that this relationship might be more difficult that most?
Eric: We really took forever to do everything-get engaged, get married, and open the restaurant. Being in restaurants from the start of the relationship, we had a big head start. It doesn't surprise me to learn about a chef who is married to, say a doctor and hearing that it didn't work out. They, on a professional level, may have never understood each other, even if they were Romeo and Juliet on the subject of love. But I hear that sometimes it does work, and it's all about compromise, even when it is the chef who compromises less, due the weird, long hours required by definition. I admire and congratulate the strength of any man or woman, not in the business, who is married to a chef and can make it work.
RR: Did you talk about this subject, or did you just jump in like everyone else seems to do?
Loren: We just jumped in, but slowly. I think we assumed many things about each other and luckily, we were very accurate. It isn't surprising that marriages fail under the pressure, which is an everyday battle in the restaurant business, especially for the independent, where you and your partner make every decision, every day. Communication and compromise are paramount. We learn more everyday.
RR: Is the pressure of the business, particularly in terms of the hours, a strain on your relationship. And what, if anything do you do to spend more quality time together?
Eric: We planned a day per week that the restaurant would be closed. It is so important to not allow the hours and the stress to eclipse the love. The love has to be respected, even when you don't know when you are going to get "quality" time. Hey, sometimes quality time is best spent not with your partner but on your own mental health, literally, absorbing new material, learning new things, reading, yoga, therapy, absolutely anything so that you leave yesterday behind and when you and your partner come back together, it's better than ever! I don't believe 24-7 with your partner is completely healthy.
RR: You have a successful restaurant, and I have to think this helps? What would happen if things did not go quite as well?
Eric: Well, business is business. I know that we are strong partners on many levels and we balance each other and need each other in a very primal way. We were so fortunate to work with George Germon and Johanne Killeen of Al Forno. They wanted to help two young chefs stay in Providence instead of taking their culinary talents elsewhere. Everything clicked but everybody worked hard. Even when a week or month doesn't end the way we'd like, we know we are doing the right thing.
RR: How does the subject of relationships, married or otherwise, affect your employees, and subsequently, your business?
Loren: When I look around at our staff at Empire, I see many young people who have become our responsibility. On occasion, there are relationships that happen and we have only had good experiences in this area. We hire young, aspiring chefs and waiters and many of them are where we were 13 years ago, and anything is possible. We have to do more in training than we might have to with a crew with more experience, but it's wonderful to see eyes light up when they really grasp a concept and use it. I hope that you will be seeing some dazzling careers that started at Empire.
RR: All too often, a family (children) becomes a result of a marriage. How would this affect both of you, and how would this affect the restaurant?
Eric: I have seen examples of how this can be very successful with enough money and rigid self-discipline. I believe that we would be wonderful parents and would definitely spend less time at the restaurant, delegating more, like everyone else in our shoes who makes this decision.
RR: Has anyone (parents, friends, culinary school, etc.) talked with you about the potential problems of maintaining a relationship while running a restaurant?
Loren: We only knew that it was challenging from the Al Forno experience, but even there, George and Johanne made it look so easy. If we hadn't spent the time there, it's hard to say how that information might have been communicated. They are the best example I have ever known of another successful husband and wife team. Their formula has resulted in a wonderful, lifelong engagement - balancing a restaurant and a marriage. They are truly inspirational in this respect.
RR: If we do this interview again ten years from now, will you still be married?
Loren: Yes and probably in a very enlightened state about this kind of partnership. If you conducted this interview in ten years, you would be talking to experts on the subject. My advice to people thinking about a restaurant relationship would be to go slow and compromise. You are in this thing together!
Empire Restaurant |
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Loren Falsone and Eric Moshier, former chefs at Al Forno, opened the Empire Restaurant in 1999. Their creative and award-winning, 140-seat restaurant features regional Italian cuisine as well as incredible desserts from Pastry chef, Eric Moshier. In 2000, this couple was included as part of ther series, "Best New Chefs" by Food & Wine Magazine.